Exchange Server component Mailbox role: Mailbox service failed.

The short version of this story is READ THE LOGS!  Now here's the long version. I was trying to install Exchange 2013 in my lab environment and kept running into this error consistently. I scoured the Internet and tried everything that was suggested for anything even similar, with no success. At one point I even scrapped the VM and built a new Server 2012R2 VM from scratch, and the same thing...